Hash House a go go’s slogan is “Twisted Farm Food,” and this Indiana inspired restaurant chain serves up some of the most massive plates I’ve ever seen, especially for breakfast. We’re talking about steering-wheel sized flapjacks (pancakes for us in the Northeast) and other early-morning favorites.
These meals are so legen– wait for it– dary, that Adam Richman of the Travel Channel show “Man v. Food” set his sights on one of these monstrosities. And as soon as I saw that it was endorsed by the show on the menu, while on a recent visit to Mohegan Sun, I knew that as a Food Dude, I also had to try my luck with this feat.
Behold, Andy’s sage fried chicken farm benedict. And, as you can see, there was initial excitement. This thing was bigger than my head, and had everything I could want. Fried chicken with: fresh spinach, hardwood smoked bacon, market tomato, griddled mozzarella, chipotle cream and scrambled eggs. And it’s all served on a fresh split biscuit with griddled mashed potatoes. This is one of the rare times where I’m glad that the calories weren’t posted on the menu. It’s probably equal to: breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner, and a small snack. All I remember thinking before indulging was “well, here goes nothing.”
There was no turning back from this breakfast behemoth. The sad thing was, I didn’t know where to start! I grabbed a fork and the knife that penetrated the chicken, my table manners still in tact, and started a sloppy eating gameplan that evolved throughout the meal. Pulling apart the chicken was the first step. Things got a little messy. Luckily, there were plenty of napkins at my disposal. Then I dug into the eggs, trying to go from lightest to heaviest.
Was there really a “right” way to eat this thing? I kept chewing away, now trying to dispose of the chicken that was “in the way” of the rest of the food. The more I ate, the more I believed that I could finish. But it seemed almost never-ending, I was falling deeper into a pit of madness. It got harder and harder to chew, and soon I was incorporating water, a trick I learned while watching the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. Take a bite, take a sip was a recurring theme.
I couldn’t deny it any longer. I was getting full, uncomfortably full, and I had the “bulk” of the meal still to go. It was down to the biscuit and potatoes, and it was them or me. By now, I had refused that the waitress take my plate away twice. My breathing was getting shallow and it was starting to become unenjoyable to even be sitting. I had hit a wall and gone well beyond it, but I had to keep pushing my limits.
The voice inside of me to keep going became weaker with each deep breath. The cornstalk decor next to me began to sway in the wind, and I began to walk in the fields of gold. A cloaked figure emerged from within my potatoes, waving for me to come closer. The restaurant voices echoed around me and became marbled. And before I could get any closer to the edge, my dish was mercifully taken away.
“If I just dunked the biscuit in water, or put the mash on it, I could have finished” were my only sentiments. But it was too late, this was a rare moment. I had just been conquered by a breakfast. The aftermath of this experience is TMI, even for Food Dudes, so I’ll leave it to your imagination. You win this time, Hash House a go go. But next time, I’ll be ready for you.